Bruce Schneier Facts

Via Quantized Thoughts, most will be familiar with the now famous Chuck Norris Facts, but not so many will be familiar with the Bruce Schneier Facts list. Here are some of my favourites:

  • Most people use passwords. Some people use passphrases. Bruce Schneier uses an epic passpoem, detailing the life and works of seven mythical Norse heroes.
  • Bruce Schneier knows Alice and Bob's shared secret.
  • Bruce Schneier knows the state of Schroedinger's cat.
  • Bruce Schneier writes his books and essays by generating random alphanumeric text of an appropriate length and then decrypting it.
  • Bruce force: recovering a password or key by typing it in correctly on the first try.
  • Santa Clause doesn't know if Bruce Schneier has been good or bad.
  • Bruce Schneier's abs are NP-hard.
  • Bruce Schneier's social security number is a Sophie Germain prime number having a reciprocal generating an infinite stream of pseudorandom numbers.
  • Bruce Schneier can determine if a program terminates just by looking at it. And then the program terminates itself.
  • Cryptanalysis doesn't break cryptosystems. Bruce Schneier breaks cryptosystems.
  • Bruce Schneier doesn't need facts. With one roundhouse-kick he can generate a formal proof for whatever he needs.
  • Bruce Schneier doesn't use a keylogger. He's standing right behind you.
  • Bruce Schneier can losslessly compress random data by 50%, with his fists.

3 thoughts on “Bruce Schneier Facts”

  1. Ahh, now there’s a bright idea. Here we go.

    Bruce Schneier can beat the no-cloning limit… with a roundhouse kick.

    Bruce Schneier doesn’t need a quantum computer. He already knows the answer.

    Bruce Schneier can reduce NP-complete problems to P-problems with a roundhouse kick.

  2. Well, there is a ‘Suggest Fact’ button at the top.

    How about,

    Bruce Schneier knows how to construct a perfectly secure classical public key cryptosystem. He also knows how to break it.

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